Feels like for the most part, my life has been a constant upward struggle. Some of it came from parental pressure, what felt like societal pressure, and my own internalized high expectations. So for career (which was a huge focus that never seemed to go anywhere) I always felt unhappy with my station, never grateful.
Recently I attended a former co-worker’s wedding and it shifted my perspective. Why? I was there because I had a part in making it happen.
How I helped hook up a co-worker
One random summer day about 7 years ago, three of us took the bus to the fun, beachy area of Vancouver for happy hour. I can’t remember our plan was specifically to help E set up a dating profile, or if it came up organically (I think it was the former?!). Between the nachos and margaritas, we must have set up a simple account, applied our eagle eyes to prospective suitors, and swiped right on only about three profiles.
There was one that stood out to us because he seemed like a solid guy. I’m sure K and I were impressed that he had a good job, didn’t try too hard in the profile, and had some pretty cute photos.
I remember E wriggling around in her chair. Was it from awkwardness or excitement? I couldn’t tell. Either way, it didn’t take long before the guy responded and they started seeing one another. I don’t expect much from dating apps so I figure this would at least be a good first guy for E to get her foot back in the dating scene but month after month, they kept “renewing their contract” (their words, not mine!).
You never know which of your efforts will pay off
Still I didn’t think it would be a forever thing. I had my fair share of online dates (it was Plenty of Fish back then, eep) and those never went anywhere, so expectations were low. Even when I received their wedding invite from E months ago, it only really hit me when I arrived and saw the back of her wedding dress. And her sons. All the guests. And my lovely crew of former co-workers, including my match-making buddy, K.
I was awe-struck the entire night, thinking I can’t believe all of this happened because of some margaritas and right swipes. K & I even got a shout-out from the groom during their first speech!
All of this to say that sometimes, “When you reach for the stars, all you get are the stars. But if you reach for the heavens, you get the stars thrown in.” I don’t know if I even care to reach for the heavens anymore, but I’m definitely so grateful for all the stars I’ve collected over the years.
Here’s my two cents on…
How to appreciate the now when life sucks:
- Make at least one real (work) friend wherever you are. It’ll help you stay the course and pay dividends later. No one else will understand your experience as much as those who were in the trenches with you. Not even your best friend or life partner.
- Learn as much as you can knowing that one day you’ll apply these skills. No one else will have the same experience you have – it’s invaluable. I remember thinking I didn’t want to study fashion copywriting outside of work hours because I wasn’t paid for that time. Looking back, yes, it would have benefited the company for free, but more importantly I would’ve grown faster as a writer.
- Focus on what truly ignites a fire within you. This works especially when you’re in a crappy job – there’s not as much to lose! Ask to get on projects that may not be in your official job description or it’s not even what you studied but you’re interested. Use the current job as a training ground.
- Make the most of your time there, because that too shall pass. I remember really hating some jobs because I knew I had so much more to offer but was stuck because the company didn’t have budget to run marketing promos or didn’t see my value. What I didn’t realize that sure, the day I ‘save myself’ by leaving the company also means I leave all the relationships I built with co-workers and managers behind. Now, looking back, even the cheap-ass Christmas potlucks we had, I feel teary-eyed.
- Never let a company set your value. This was one I so mistakenly believed for the longest time. I kept thinking that my salary = my value as a person. I recently came across Keke Palmer’s Master of Me book and she talked about how companies hire people only to get a high ROI based on what they’re paid. So of course you’ll never be paid your real worth. Don’t let that make you see yourself as ‘less than.’ There’s so much value in being even if you’re not doing anything per se (check out: Rental Person Who Does Nothing). And think about the billionaires who run countries and have zero morals – does that make them better/more valuable in your eyes?
- Keep a Win Jar. Write down/keep photos of things that light you up when… someone pays you a compliment, have good times with friends, or when you do something you’re proud of. It’s like having a personal cheerleader anytime you need a pick-me-up. I used to do this in Trello, more recently I migrated over to a Google Sheet so I can update anytime. Some people write their wins down and throw them into an actual jar. Some keep a list in their wallet. Do whatever works for you!
- Be yourself, stay true to your values, because you won’t know what impact you have until you’re no longer actively wanting to make a difference. When I was younger, it was all forward-looking and I was so impatient. Now that I have decades of experience under my belt (aka middle age!) I realize it takes a lot of time for real change to happen. Whatever difference you wish to make in the world, know it takes time so you need to stay true to what you believe in, and the actions you take.
So I never built a $100m company, nor have I ‘changed the world,’ but knowing I changed the worlds of this newly married couple makes me so proud of myself & grateful for all the jobs I thought were just a stepping stone.
A big thank you to E & S for inviting K and I to your beautiful wedding!
xo, Miranda
