No matter how many times I hear the phrase,”Work Smarter, Not Harder” somehow it never sticks. Between my Chinese cultural values and the the western Puritanical virtues of hard work, I should’ve seen that working smarter was never gonna be my reality. How could you fight it, if both cultures you’re part of make hard work = a heavenly virtue? Anything else (let alone no effort) is pure laziness (= evil?).
Not surprisingly, my idols growing up were all working women: whether it was my mom’s hard work that garners her an unbreakable halo effect, or J.Lo and Mindy Kaling known for their relentless work ethic, or the women entrepreneurs I looked up to… it was all about trying hard, pushing, and self-sacrifice.
I’ve come to breaking points so many times, but just never seemed to learn my lesson. Things I’ve (and maybe you have too) told myself
- “I haven’t tried this yet!”
- “If they can launch a business while they’re in the hospital ward about to give birth, I can balance work and family too!”
- “Look at all those brands charging so much… I’m sure I can figure a way out, cuz I’ll be the exception.”
- “I need to chase my dreams, no matter what it takes.”
- “I can sacrifice sleep. Or working out or eating healthy, for that matter.”
- “I can be the one to make the change. Gandhi told us to be the change, right?”
- “If I see something that needs to be done (an opportunity!) I’ll gladly step in.”
Lately, I’m finding myself seeing an entire system being run so inefficiently with no rules, regulations, standards, guidelines, guard rails, protocols, SOPs, expectations, cultural etiquette… nothing. And the problem when I see gaps, it’s so exciting because there’s an opportunity for change. And when your whole life’s MO is “make a meaningful difference” that’s catnip. But systems are complex, and not any one person can change it. Have you tried to change your family dynamics recently? Exactly.
As I walked through the grocery store today, unencumbered with kids, I thought I’d feel a sense of freedom. Instead, I felt broken down, a sad robot desperately needed some maintenance. For all the overdoing I’m used to, I don’t think under-doing is the solution either. So I landed on non-doing, a no effort zone.
I’m not talking about ‘effortless’ us aspiring minimalists strove to be like. Rather no effort, don’t even try. Be selfish, take a day off from responsibilities, relentlessly say no. Because if you completely deplete yourself, what’s there to give, snappy comebacks?
So if this sounds like you at all, here are…
5 reasons why you should go no-effort
- It’s cheaper than therapy
- It’s less stress than a vacation
- You need to avoid burnout.
- (Bonus: Your friends, partner, kids, family, coworkers, customers will get a better version of you!)
You know, it’s only natural we take regular pauses. Try your version of the Jewish ritual of a Sabbath.
xo, Miranda
