When grief strikes, I instinctively reach for Youtube and play my go-to sad songs, on repeat.
Now I’m not saying I have good taste in music, ‘cuz I’ve just been eating up all the sugary pop cereal they’ve been feeding us in the 90s (ahem, ballads & boy bands). But the end of a hard day, you don’t want to watch intellectual art house films, right? You just want to feel something with those darn reality shows or rom coms. This is what this grief playlist is for.
Don’t Hide the Sad Music
You know this already, but it’s worth repeating: it’s okay to indulge in sad music. It’s especially so when we’re going through the non-linear stages of grief. Or in the aftermath of unexpectedly getting hit by a tsunami of emotions. It’s completely normal.
According to Quiet author Susan Cain, on a recent Tim Ferriss podcast, “People listen to the happy songs on their playlist 175 times. And they listen to the sad songs 800 times. And it’s the sad songs that give them chills and make us feel connected and sublime.”
With the advent of pop psychology fueled by social media, happiness and positivity haven taken centre stage. It’s gotten to the point where if you’re not happy nor positive, there’s something wrong with you. The belief is so strong there’s backlash to the “good vibes only” mantra that now the term “toxic positivity” exists. I believe it’s healthy to experience our whole range of emotions. That’s why a feeling of “bittersweet” exists, as Cain explores in her new book of the same title.
Beauty in Sadness
Leonard Cohen sang about a crack in everything, where the light can get in. The Japanese art of kintsugi repairs cracked pottery with lacquer dusted with powdered gold. More recently, Tim Ferris has updated it for those of us experiencing loss, “It may be the wound where the light enters us.”
What a beautiful perspective to have on your experience of grief. You don’t need to turn it into a solely positive aspect. You can see it for what it is, something broken yet beautiful, simultaneous sorrow and joy.
As Adam Levine sings in Memories, “Here’s to the ones that we got, cheers to wish you were here but you’re not.” Here’s my pop playlist dedicated to y’all (it’s the Austin verbiage creeping in from bingeing The Ultimatum :P) – I hope you enjoy, and cry through all the grief.
90s Songs for Grief
On Repeat
- Mariah Carey – Bye Bye “This is for my people who just lost somebody / your best friend, your baby, your man or your lady / put your hand up high / we won’t ever say bye”
- Aaliyah – Miss You “It’s been too long and I’m lost without you / what am I gonna do? / said I been needin’ you, wantin’ you”
- Leonard Cohen – Hallelujah “There was a time you let me know / what’s really going on below / but now you never show it to me, do you?”
- Destiny’s Child – Emotions “And where are you now / now that I need you / tears on my pillow / wherever you go”
- Bone Thugs & Harmony – Crossroads “See you at the crossroads, crossroads crossroads / so you won’t be lonely”
- Billie Eilish – Ocean Eyes “You really know how to make me cry / when you gimme those ocean eyes”
- Celine Dion & Andrea Bocelli – The Prayer “Lead us to a place / guide us with your grace / to a place where we’ll be safe”
- Eric Clapton – Tears in Heaven “Would you know my name? / if I saw you in heaven”
Honourable Mentions
- Puff Daddy ft Faith Evans – I’ll Be Missing You “Every step I take / every move i make / every single day, every time I pray / I’ll be missing you”
- Sarah McLachlan – Angel “In the arms of an angel / fly away from here”
- Sarah McLachlan – I Will Remember You “I will remember you / will you remember me?”
- Andrea Bocelli & Sarah Brightman – Time to Say Goodbye
- Janet Jackson – Every time “But every time your love is near / and every time I’m filled with fear”
- Allure – All Cried Out “Inside I’m slowly dying / but the rain will hide my crying”
- Justin Bieber – Ghost “I know you crossed a bridge that I can’t follow”
- Billie Eilish – I Love You “I can’t escape the way I love you / I don’t want to, but I love you”
- Lana Del Rey – Video Games “Heaven is a place on earth with you”
- The Beatles – Yesterday “Yesterday / all my troubles seemed so far away”
- Shakira – Underneath Your Clothes “When the friends are gone / when the party’s over / we will still belong / to each other”
- Keane – Somewhere Only We Know “Oh, simple thing, where have gone?”
- Dixie Chicks – Landslide “Well I’ve been afraid of changin’ / ’cause I’ve built my life around you”
What other (embarrassing) songs do you gravitate toward when you’re sad?
xo, Miranda
(By the way, I know this isn’t exactly a playlist. Gimme some time to create one on Spotify!)
